Why Florida is for Old Farts

Florida is only fun during spring break. All of us know that. When you aren’t down there in April or May, you might as well screw it. Florida is very fun to go to, and it is also very entertaining, but the sheer fact of the matter is that Florida is for old people. There are condos in Florida just piled high with old people. That doesn’t make Florida a bad place, it simply makes it… less fun. No, not less fun… just old. Florida is old. It really is, Ponce De Leon discovered it in like, 1400 something. Also something to make fun of about Florida is: Gators. There are gators everywhere. Too many, in the everglades anyway. Well, I give Florida a B++ for fun. The flea markets are interesting, and the city of Daytona, is a perfect beach spot. Might I suggest La Playa, a shore side hotel for the family. And whatever you do, do not stay at Desert Inn or something like that. When I went there, the drapes were dirty and torn, and there was blood smeared on the door… (shudder).

Good Job Florida! Good Job at not totally pissing me off!

Schoolwork

Sorry guys, I haven’t had time to complain. I have a research paper, an epic poem, and a large greeting card to complete, as well as a concert I have to attend. I have been super busy. Now, lets get to buisness. In the next month I will be bashing on THESE topics:

• House M.D.
• The Simpsons
• Blink 182
• Internet Scammers
• The color orange
• Canada
• Florida

Alright, glad I could explain this whole mess to you guys. All that is left now is to cover one of the topics I said I was going to hate. Hm… Got it! Internet Scammers. I have received an email saying I won 1.5 million pounds (thats Engay Money). So… yea its not nice, and they are stupid, and all that crap. Oh! Crap! I have to go to school now. So long my many minions, I mean onions, I mean viewers, I mean readers.

Kenny’s Drug Trip

Last night an episode of South Park appeared labeled Major Boobage. This title suits the episode indeed. It is all about Kenny getting addicted to a new drug craze: Sniffing Cat Pee. He goes to this far off land, and meets some hot girls. The music he heard was the song Heavy Metal Love, and the car he was driving was one of MY personal favorites, an ‘84 Pontiac Firebird. The guys who created South Park made the drug trip look like the coolest thing that could ever possibly happen in the history of your life. But let’s face it, driving around in a rocket-car, with a hot girl, with planets shaped like boobs, killing evil aliens, and an awesome soundtrack sounds pretty fun.

Note: I am not insinuating that I want to take drugs, simply that South Park illustrated it as awesome. Who can take South Park’s word for anything… hehe.

Back To School – The Tragedy

So here we are. The break is all over, and I am writing this post quickly before I head out the door. School is incredibly annoying, not to mention the unfair treatment of students in 99% of classroom activities. I will tell you how the day goes when I get back from prison, in the meantime, you guys sit tight and enjoy the break you are probably on.

The Opposite of Pro is Con

So what is the opposite of progress? I just finished watching tonight’s Daily Show. It was hilarious. Let me tell you folks, you have to watch it tomorrow at 7 central time. Jon Stewart figured out that the president can’t tell time. If you work backwards, you will find that we actually won the Iraqi war! 2 years ago we were in trouble, but 4 years ago we were making progress, and 1 year into the whole thing, we already declared that we were “done”. Makes you think. I simply cannot stand the president, or this entire government at the time. It drives me crazy. Did you know that they actually thought we would be done with this pointless massacre in less than 6 months?! “But Prick, we have made great strides over there, and we made huge progress!” To those people I say: “We shouldn’t have had to spend the 5 years we did in there to begin with! Let’s face it, it was a bloodbath until just recently. I am not saying it isn’t a bloodbath still, but you just don’t hear about it as much with the upcoming elections.”

Can you believe it folks. That is how bad our president is. The second we can get anyone better into office, we completely stop focusing on him. The president has made some horrible choices, and yes, the 911 bombings weren’t really our fault (they kind of were, but being technical isn’t fun when you have to type all of this up. I am just going to leave it at that because indirect causes, as fun as they are to point out, trace back forever). But to every idiot out there who actually thinks Iraq bombed us: How dare you even be allowed by law to open your mouth. That kind of ignorance should be outlawed in every state. Iraq didn’t do anything to us that required war. But what about Saddam? Look, as far as I am concerned, Iraq was doing just fine without us interfering. But we went there for the oil, you idiot! That might be true, but look. Look outside. Do it. Go ahead, right now. Take a drive, go to your nearest gas station. Ask your parents about the 90’s. Gas was about $1.25 a gallon. One, freaking, twenty-five! The areas LEAST hit by the gas crisis are paying over two bucks! It is absolutely insane! This country is ridiculous. We should have never gotten involved.

I can see how we elected Bush the first time. His dad was an efficient man. We didn’t know he would be as dumb as he was. We knew barely anything about him. But the second term? The second freaking term!? It actually makes me sick. Sick to my stomach. Listen public. There is something bigger going on here. Something huge. It all ties into my government conspiracy theory. Something bad is going to happen to this country in 2012. Something is going to make this country collapse. We have to be sure to watch our backs…

The Latest South Park Episode

It raised a lot of questions. In the newest episode of South Park, an animated show on the Comedy Central Network, Brittany Spears got her head blown off. She survived, and this raised many questions. She was missing more than half of her head, and had nothing but a lower lip. How do you live like that? How!? It doesn’t make any sense! I love South Park though…

I am really sorry guys, but without school, there is nothing to report on. So… yea…

Poor Directions

Doesn’t it just grind your gears to recieve poor directions? I have discussed it with many of my friends too. I have a science teacher who is always changing plans, and muttering the second half of her directions. It is a long school day, and she always wants to change her plan mid day. As a result, she will think she has given us an assignment that she gave the other classes. “Write down the trial numbers” is an example of something she would tell another class, but not our class. As a result I would lose a lot of points, and because of her. One day I needed to retrieve a paper from my locker. I am aware you shouldn’t do that, but I asked anyway. She scolded me for it and left. Just left. Several minutes later I tell her that I have finished my test, and ask her if I can go get that paper. She tells me that she told me to go get it when I asked her, which even my friends know was not true. The Face asked to go get a drink from her, and she scolded him for it, then a couple minutes later she asks him why he hasn’t gotten that drink for it. We don’t all know what she is thinking. Why does she assume we do?? One of life’s great mysteries I suppose…

My art teacher likes to give us assignments (obviously). However she seems slightly out of it. A little spacey. She always wants us to show her our work before we start painting it, but she will stop talking mid-sentence and move on to the next student. It can get very confusing. It’s like she worries too much about the bad kids and not enough about the kids who actually are trying to get work done. Do you know anyone like these two teachers? If so, then leave a comment and tell your story!

Too Young?

Just how young is too young? There are children who aren’t allowed to play video-games rated M, even at the age of twelve. There are also children who cannot even watch Comedy Central at 12. 12 is just an example year, but in my opinion, 12 is way to old to be protected from things on TV. There is more violence in this horrible 21st century news then there is on Comedy Central. The M video-games are another story, but not a different one. There is no way that any child over 12 should not be allowed to play M video-games. Personally I played them when I was 4. It is just a shame that we live in a soccer-mom, overprotective world. Why do we live in a place where things that were seen as normal about twenty years ago are now considered horribly wrong. There is no real way to describe the way I feel about this, but if you are 12, and not allowed to watch comedy central then you are just… just… Oh God there really isn’t any word to describe it. Your parents are over protective losers who have nothing better to do than criticize every aspect of society. If you look at everything in the most absurd ways, then you are going to see absurdity. That is all I am really saying.

Death At A Funeral

The post name is actually the name of a really funny movie. Death At A Funeral. Has anybody seen that? That movie is ROFL. Its about this guy having a funeral for his dad, but everything goes wrong. And a whole ton of funny things happen like when this guy accidentally takes some “Acid” and starts acting all crazy. Its hard to explain but its ROFL. You gotta see it, its so funny. I would have said more but I don’t want to spoil the whole movie for you.

Anyway, how is everybody liking the new header? Not much of a difference but for Homer. Lol, Prick wants me to take out Fry but that is trademarked for Caffination nation already. He believes that Fry and Homer cant be in the same picture. But the explanation is, there’s a very thin line in the middle of the picture which is the separation between the two universes. Now it works and there’s not going to be a paradox. Can you find the line? In my next post I will give out a special title to who ever knows where the line is.

- The Face

Horton Hears A Who

So recently (not SO recently) I have heard word of a movie coming out. I also know that the particular movie is the Susical Musical. Horton Hears A Who. Typically I would never want to see such garbage, but can you look at the voices they hired to do voice overs for this movie!? Jim Carrey, Steve Corral, Will Arnet, Amy Pholer! It sounds like it would be incredibly good. (Especially because Steve Corral is one of my favorite actors). Who would have ever thought that Jim Carrey would be in a rated G movie, huh? In “23″ he was an insane maniac killer. I think that even though it is animated… and rated G, it would still be a good movie to see. More than voice overs, I think it is the sheer writing that is going to make the movie. If it acts like a Seuss movie, then it might not be that good, but if it adds a modern twist, it would be funny.

In other Holly-News: Jack Black is hosting the Kids Choice Awards. This is a crime all of freaking humanity. Jack Black only gets that spot because of his role in “School of Rock” which I will admit was a funny movie. But Nick is overlooking the other roles Jack has had. In the movie “The O.C.” Jack Black played a constantly smashed drug addict. In the movie “Saving Silverman” he was a gay kidnapper. I think Jack Black is a funny guy, I really do, but NOT for the KIDS CHOICE AWARDS! His latest movie looks hilarious, that “Be Kind Rewind”, but I am sure it won’t be very kid-appropriate (not like that’s gonna stop me! The raunchier the better!). Just saying.